I don’t know if this constitutes naïveté on your part, because you have collected plenty of pieces to suspect something is amiss and, indeed, effectively have written in for confirmation. I am trying to make things work, but not sure if I believe anything he says anymore. I also know that he deleted text messages between him and the friend after I asked to read them.Īm I being naïve? I was betrayed by two people I trusted and don’t know what to do. He only claimed that he was taken advantage of after I and other people found out that he had cheated on me, and after his initial lies covering the extent of the affair fell apart. My partner also continued to invite this friend over for drinks after the affair was over, both for times I was home and for times that I wasn’t. I have also come to learn that my partner was the one who provided the alcohol that supposedly led to them fooling around each time. There’s the fact that the affair went on for some time. I don’t think he would go so far as to co-opt the Me Too movement, but things don’t really add up. Could a guy get hard and come if he didn’t want it but was too drunk to say no? I really want to believe my partner, but I’m not sure. Can anything be gained by hearing these other details? For example, I know my partner climaxed during this affair, and I am not sure if that would be possible if he was so drunk as to be in a taken advantage of state. I have also heard from others that the friend has shared details of what happened that my partner did not tell me. I have been too angry to hear the other side of the story. My partner’s version of events changed several times, but he is now claiming that the friend took advantage of him while they were drunk. I know they were both drunk whenever they hooked up. Both of them are frequent social drinkers and can drink quite heavily. Last month, I found out that he had been having a sexual affair with a mutual friend of ours. Our relationship started very quickly, and we moved in together less than a year after first meeting. My partner and I have been together for seven years. “And so if you get through the first several months of a relationship without transmission, your risk after that tends to decline,” he said. And given the low transmissibility of HSV-2 in oral contact, “it’s going to be probably tenfold less than that.” Additionally, according to Handsfield, HSV-2 is transmitted more frequently in the months following infection, and it tends to be transmitted earlier in relationships than later. During a Zoom conversation, Handsfield estimated that the risk for HSV-2 transmission for vaginal sex with no condom or valacyclovir use (but during a period when an outbreak is not occurring) is 1 in 1000 acts. Hunter Handsfield, professor emeritus, University of Washington, and a nationally recognized STI expert. What we do know, though, is that HSV-2 “doesn’t take very well to the oral cavity,” according to H. There is a lot in your favor here, but the risk is not zero and, unfortunately, the specific transmissibility numbers are elusive. Interestingly, some men who have undergone prostatectomies also report a subsequent ability to achieve multiple orgasms.)Ĭould you please help me find some solid transmissibility numbers for barrier-less oral sex, with the resources you have access to? For context, he takes a daily antiviral, and first contracted the virus in his 20s. Though this may apply to people with penises of all gender identities, there’s some indication that supplemental estrogen may play a role in promoting multiple orgasms. (Note that the literature is based on cisgender men, which is why I’m using that terminology, and not all people with penises. Wassersug note that “most reports on male multiple orgasms rely on subjective accounts where multiple orgasms were not objectively confirmed by any physiological or neurological criteria,” and that multiorgasmic men are rare as it is-it’s estimated that less than 10 percent of men in their 20s and less than seven percent in their 30s and up are capable of orgasming twice within 20 minutes (the generally accepted measure of what constitutes being multiorgasmic in men, given the average refractory time of 20 minutes). In their 2015 review of the existing literature, “ Multiple Orgasms in Men-What We Know So Far,” Erik Wibowo and Richard J. That said, what you describe is unusual based on the data on multiple male orgasms that does exist-though it should be understood that what does exist is scant.
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